IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
