Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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