I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
