I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize