apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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