the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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