Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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