this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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