This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
