That reminds me...we need to get swords
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
