so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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