drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
