Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
