Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
