Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
