He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
