Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
