You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
