hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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