A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize