so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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