oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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