yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize