come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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