Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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