He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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