Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
