Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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