So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
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