watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
