some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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