just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's shark week go big or go home
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
