she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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