I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
