i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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