On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
