You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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