I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
