I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize