the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
