4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
