i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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