i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize