You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
