I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize