Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
