Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
