First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
