i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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