I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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