remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize