somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
two words...techno handjob
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize