I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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