im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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