The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
