Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
