She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize