you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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