Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
