Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
