He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
