you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
