Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
