I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize