DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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