I haven't been this sober since birth.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
