my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I skipped work to stalk him.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
