he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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