So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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