Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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