Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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