I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
