Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
