Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
