I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
