This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
