thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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