Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
