Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
