Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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