They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
