my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
