I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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