Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize