I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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