I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
