It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
