My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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