Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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